Rollercoaster

Photo by: Enric Cruz López

Tick, tick, tick, on the roller coaster of my life to connection,

the sounds I did not know would come back around as I plummeted.

Falling in fear of failure, anger now my new disorder,

frowning my sign the swing is kicking in shedding into fight wishing for flight.

Next up comes the pointed fingers of those who took a seat,

not knowing the toll its taking, breaking inner essence to chase this dream.

For us to win, this big vision makes my front cart position a punchbag situation,

the wonder if my feelings monster creates enough destruction forcing an ejection.

In and out of emotional control, even as the cart becomes parallel,

this is the moment I can just stop and get off.

But wait monster me, I am no quitter; that drop just made me better,

limited time to reflect, forcing my true desire to resurrect.

No time to check for safety, strapped in the seat that has more slack,

this next climb might mean more hurt with each Hill, Loop, or Turn.

The motion shakes my core position forcing ME to learn,

the release fuels me, each notch clicked igniting my resilience.

Here we go again, back up to the vision.

Sun rays and warmth bring joy back to me,

a smile so big my teeth can bare; I am free.

Cotton candy clouds remind me of the familiar place,

empire state views of my dreams with opportunities for all.

For this is the reminder I HAVE found my call,

as the last stalled link in the belt, I reach the peak.

Where the visions and purpose are clearly seen,

looking back down from where I have been.

Realization hits; my eyeballs flare,

an electric shock to the heart brings charge to my soul.

Somehow, in that state of fear, and the down,

I still have carts behind me filled with support and love all around.

Conviction in my life’s given mission convinced more onboard,

one by one they take a seat to experience the next joyride.

The gratitude and abundance of belief now inside,

making this feeling of others’ trust in me.

Giving me the confidence to get ready to glide,

there is no turning back; the direction is set.

Putting a rest to the imposter syndrome that once sat,

acceleration as we start to drop, the force greater than me.

As the passengers I keep drive the pressure forward,

momentum needed to continue onward.

We know we are in this together, staying connected as one,

this ride together has a purpose and not just for fun.

Communication tormented as some try to flee,

putting strain on the guide wheels, bringing on insecurity.

Trying to let go of the thoughts of despair,

the record starts playing negative emotions from the past.

As the brakes start tapping, the stopping sifts up the monster side of me,

eroding the confidence once overflowing inside and free.

Fixing this emotional leak of doubt so we can achieve,

the vision is my focus to reconnect and its time for some to leave.

The fighter in me starts to growl in the face of failure I see,

putting the monster me back in the cage, staying calm is key.

The present talks remind me what I actually have been through,

each cycle of the rollercoaster I have surpassed somethings are true.

Moods pass like the seasons changes some bright others blue,

remembering needing respect, desire, and belief is stemmed from the monster me in you.

Each chapter of life starts at the end of rotation holding onto the next go again,

this being I am becoming, controls only my carts situation.

For it’s the art of letting go of others that wants a new coaster,

their time now in a new revolution, taking the courage witnessed as their poster.

That lighter load where this passenger once sat,

alters the perception of what you once had.

The once support, love, and encouraging nature,

now making you question if you have a new hater.

From admiration to loathing,

this thought is on you as you are the emotional beholder.

For the once crew member is in a better place,

you learned enough they leave without a trace.

So the energy loss of negative thoughts surround you in numbers,

only hurts the chance for growth in others.

See, your life was a gift from your creator,

to trust yourself an entrepreneur, Innovator, a new world curator.

The Journey built with Each steel or wood frame placed together,

destination of others is not your matter.

Rather Inspiring others from the risks you take,

just might be there next big break.

Embrace who you are and the opportunity you made,

continuing on wishing past passengers had stayed is the exact reason why your vision had faded.

It is unknown days from one too many fear of failed linked cart connections,

is too much worry or burden to carry the power you have as someone with big heart and vision.

Those that come and go will always keep a part of your passion.

It’s time for the next tick, tick, tick,

giving you a chance to move on.

Remember, no lap completed has taken you down,

the real reason the roller coaster is designed

brings more hope to others with dreams aligned.

It’s the understanding each ride is different from the last,

creating more meaning to your life that’s passed.

Description

I wrote Rollercoaster in 2024 and it’s about the emotional journey as an entrepreneur, specifically how out of control you feel as a female entrepreneur. So much of it is about facing the feeling that it's never gonna stop. How you feel like you’re on a rollercoaster you can't get off. It also touches on the topic of neurodivergence and ADHD, about wanting to rely on anger to drive you but also knowing there other things you can use as fuel instead of rage. It explore the feelings of seeing your dreams come true, about discovering your true purpose, and about as you get there, the feelings of guilt you will experience as you climb up the roller coaster. About how you just keep going with no time or chance to stop.

There are so many occasions when you reach the top, and feel there is more slack in your seatbelt because you’ve endured so many things since the last loop of the rollercoaster. That you feel less secure. How you can find yourself feeling guilty for all the things you might have said or done as reach the top again and this threatens to destabilize you. You don't want to spin out of control, so you need to look back so you can see you still have a whole group of supporters and family members behind you, keeping you safe on the roller coaster. Reminding you how to feel like you again. That you can be you, you can keep influencing, building and keep riding this rollercoaster. It’s just about remembering who you are.

Finally, the poem explores about how the track will keep changing. You will never ride the same rollercoaster twice. It's going to be a journey, so when you hold back out of fear of the new ride, that’s when you truly break down. It's about letting go of the emotion that you hold from the people that came on those previous rides with you. You have to let go of the fear, the hurt, the doubt, the despair and give room for those new emotions which are joining you on the new ride.

This poem is for those that feel hurt on this entrepreneurial journey, who are feeling really low and are in the ‘I just need to keep going’ mindset. For me, this is a clear example of what it feels like to be an entrepreneur everyday, about how we keep fighting and going because we know it's going to be worth it at the end of the rollercoaster ride.